Throw Back Time

Truth: I may or may not be watching Sixteen Candles at this exact moment when I probably should be learned more vocabulary for the GRE. I can't lie, I love this movie, no idea why since it's not particularly cinematic. It's just one of those movies that if I see that it's on TV I will stop and watch it. Oh and on another note I may or may not frequently use the terms "whatsa hoppining hotstuff" and "sofa city sweetheart" and if you don't know that these are from Sixteen Candles then I'm sorry you should definitely go out and rent it. So the reason for this trip down memory lane would be because I spent some time with some fellow ex Marcellians last night. It was crazy considering I hadn't seen most of them in at least three years. I never believed people when they said time speeds up as you get older but god dammit they were right. I honestly don't feel like I have been out of high school seven years. It's freaking crazy.
On the saving front I have switched my residency to New York State and thus have switched car insurance. After some research online I managed to switch to Geico where I paid a full six months for $250 which is a big savings considering I used to pay $70 a month in Massachusetts. Otherwise still plugging away at work and attempting to not spend money. It's a challenge to break the habit of buying. It's almost like stress eating or eating because you are bored. Anyhoo later taters

Coming clean

Alright so confession time.. I'm scared, yup pretty much shit less to say the least. I may put on this fearless facade well, surprise surprise that's the biggest con of all. I'm scared of trying and failing miserably, of rejection and of proving everyone wrong. Everyone that believes that I can do anything. That I can not only wear the yellow corduroys but make them work. Does anyone else still feel like they are fourteen years old? I mean no joke, I'm twenty six now (damn that's scary) and I still feel like I'm fourteen slacking off on my math homework. Except the math homework is my life. I've been procrastinating on living my life, I'm waiting for something to happen some big lightening strike, some epiphany. But I'm figuring out that's not how life happens, it doesn't happen to you, you happen to it.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.... does anyone? Here's an idea, can't I just be me? Why does some job have to define who I am?! Granted as always this is quite easier to say than practice. So here's it, what I am at this instant. I'm neurotic, a bit obsessive at times, too fast driving, clumsy, dreamer. A constant mover and shaker, quick witted, artistic, music loving, movie watching, book reader, sarcastic remark maker, baking, sun worshiping, hammock laying Holly. That okay with everyone? Okay well now that we have established that, one last thing... no more excuses, failure is not an option. Ahem did you hear me? Failure is Not an Option.

Oh vey

So five weeks down and not too much to show for it. I feel more confused now than ever. I don't know whether to pursue Graduate School or pursue the owning your own business route. Both seem like they would work, but I really wish someone would tell me what way to go. If someone could just make the hard decisions for me that would be fabulous. Cause I could really use that right now. The scary thought is that I think I know the answer but it's just not the easiest solution. I know that it will be hard... wait extremely hard. Ultimately I know what I have to do it just scares the crap out of me...why can't there be easy decisions in life?! Any ideas?

One month down, eleven to go...

Alright so big surprise obviously I've successfully made it through one month and hopefully only have a mear eleven to go. That's what you might call thinkin' pos-e-tive. Yup I did it, I dropped the "g" in thinking and changed the spelling of positive. Yup I'm a rebel. Things are going alright, been working four weeks now and am not making as much as I would like to make but obviously I'm not spending as much. Anyway in other news, I'll be turning the big 2-6 this weekend....eeeeeek and have decided to expel some reflections on my 25th year of life. In my 25th year I made some new friends, moved to New York for two whole weeks, moved to Massachusetts for nine whole months and have since moved back to New York.... crazy roller coaster that is my life. Discovered I don't want to be doing what I'm doing forever and have decided I want to do my part to make a difference and hopefully be able to work for a non profit organization in the not too distant future. We shall see, everyday is another opportunity. I'm learning to make better financial decisions, and therefore better life decisions. I think that's all I got right now, so with that I wish everyone a Happy Labor Day and stay clear of Earle that hurricane bastard.

Week 4

Alright so have officially entered into week 4, on my second job attempt. Which is much better than the first attempt, minus the fact that I'm not working a full forty hour work week so therefore the ole' pay check ain't quite as sweet as I wish it was. Bonus! I do get tips, granted they aren't super huge but any little bit helps at this point. I think the hardest issue that I'm dealing with is not buying anything and/or breaking that "I need to buy things" mentality. I mean it's not like I'm going back to school, so I don't need new shoes, new pencils and the must have new lunch pail. Honestly I really don't have any needs. I gots pants to cover my a...argh bum and I got shoes for my feet so I can't really complain too much. Also the fact that the good old state of New York taxes you on every material good you can imagine keeps my credit card in my wallet. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to report lots of savings.

Onto matters of the mind. I recently eagerly went to see Eat, Pray, Love the movie after finally reading it this past April. I have to say I was quite disappointed. Not in Julia Roberts, she always is good well for the most part her crying in Steel Magnolias wanted to make me rip my eyeballs out but anyway. I just thought that the movie didn't do the book justice. Which I suppose is a hard task, this book has become a sort of bible for 20 something females all over the place and to bring that to life would be quite difficult. I just felt like it left something lacking. I mean this book made me re-evaluate things and want to go on a journey of self discovery not unlike Liz Gilbert. Now don't get me wrong there were parts that I did enjoy. I liked the analysis of eating the pizza in Napoli and how Liz askes Sophie, if in all her years of sleeping with men had any asked her to leave once her clothes were off. Obviously the answer was no. This I thought was worth mentioning since as a society we put way too much emphasis on how we look and all the things that we see as wrong with ourselves when we should instead celebrate all our curves. Granted this is always much easier to say than practice but then again these are just my meandering thoughts which doesn't mean too much.

Alright that is enough for now, peace out sauerkraut.

Three Weeks Down

What can I say, it's been three weeks and have I had a huge epiphany? Um in a word....no. I have on the other hand realized how important it is to own up to your decisions. I think one of my biggest issues is that I don't like to disappoint or piss people off. Basically I would rather stay in a sticky situation and just be pissed off on a daily basis then say "enough is enough, I'm done". My most reason encounter with this issue was quitting the cookie factory after one week of work. As my usual self, I didn't want to quit or upset anyone. Well push came to shove and it simply wasn't worth the aggravation. No idea if this helps me or anyone else but whoop there it is.

Be Right or Do the Right Thing..

Alright so I've been meaning to put this one out into the ether but keep forgetting so hear it is. Only a mear two weeks after it first making an appearance into my life. It's something that my dad said to me a few weeks ago. In life you have to decide to either be right or do the right thing.

So here are my thoughts on the issue.. I think that too often in life we have the desire to be right, almost to a fault. We would rather sever relationships with people all in the name of being right. Well damn I say why can't we all just try to do the right thing once in a while. Anyway just something to ponder.